The Grudge (Due-On 02/21/06)

I fear many things... one of them are Hospital Wards. Another is the requisite farm in a carnival/theme park. And small dogs.

But I post here a fear called (wait, there's no word for this)... being-recognized-by-people-from-high-school-o-phobia. Especially now that I'm still in college and the only icebreaking I know is the joke about the Priest, the Rabbi, and the Minister.

And the fact that I'm known as the "Guy with the Golf Umbrella and Jacket during the dead of summer". Superficial yes but it has incapacitated my ability to navigate tight corners during lunchtime. ??? I meet someone who I have an extreme grudge on and the pre-encounter goes something like this.

The jerkwad is coming up the street...

I get ready my ultimate sarcasm/non-racial/unchildlike insult I've been saving since the lasttime we sparred which involves the word "loogie", and make a 180 into an alley so I can sneak up from behind... Which I'll practice and execute with perfection once he has a wicked combover in his 50's...

I wait to make my move and walk around to practice my insult... and the next thing you know I'm in a suburban town miles from the center city... Insults of that caliber takes hours to practice, which I found out when I timed myself while nursing my bunions I got from the long walk home.

I have excellent one-liners... which I won't brag about but I knock the socks off innocent civilians when I let one rip... one-liners I mean.

But good insults that scar someone emotionally takes ages to come up with and about 5 hours to recall once you get to encounter the recipient of the insult.

This incident happened and I almost run over by a truck while walking out from the suburbs.

I've just had an epiphany... It's not being-recognized-by-people-from-high-school-o-phobia, it's run-over-by-a-semi-phobia... fear of semitrailers and lorries or any vehicle with more than four wheels excluding the spare tire.

Me: DOC FREUD! I"M CURED!
Doc: My name's not Sigmund, sir. And here's your bill.