The True Meaning of Christmas

I found what Christmas really means this season. It is making fun of non-Christmas celebrating peoples. Take that Kwanzaa! Who needs corn when you've got piles and piles of fruitcake to munch on for weeks, nay months before downing them all?

Take that Chanukkah! Or was it hanukkah.. with an h? Chandler? Can't even spell it correctly, can we? So what if you get 7x more presents? I bet it's a dreidel or a Lego Menorah like last hadoken.

And let's not forget the witches in da hood. Winter Solstice? Nah, too ascetic fo my tastes and dancing around a burning big log kind of makes me want to use the crapper for some reason.

And I'm thankful that my family renounced the yearly exchange of fruitcake... I hate that cake. I for one like booze, and fruit and the occasional cake, but all three together is kind of nasty.