Low Resolution

Last year I posted my Dissolution list. For any of you too lazy to click on the link, here it is.

• Get fat and add on 50 more pounds
• Add 2 hours more TV a day bringing it to 6 hours
• Get 5 on every subject this semester
• Put peppers on every item on my menu to encourage hemorrhoids
• Insult every person I'm introduced to
• Poison the watersupply with my outputs
• Sell crack to kids younger than 6 as lollipops
• Place the toilet seat up after using a co-ed bathroom

The yearlong update its...

• I put on 20 pounds
• I now watch 4 hours but am online for 6
• I got 5 on ONE subject
• I'm bleeding internally
• I'm insulting everybody now
• Currently poisoning the air (since I'm bleeding internally)
• I sell corndogs to kids younger than 6
• Place the toilet seat up after usng any bathroom

Final verdict, the Dissolution list is a pile of whatsit to be bagged and thrown in a nearby garbage bin. My ultimate list of things not to follow has a 60% rate of succeding. So I'll take the extreme road.

The 2006 resolution list is as follows

• Cause the first shot of World War 3
• Melt the polar ice caps with an alien experiment induced heat vision
• Get abducted by aforementioned aliens
• Solve world hunger and charge $100 a pop to those who bother to listen to me
• Create a portable worm hole to spy on every college sorority house
• Run and win second in any presidential race
• Write a Pulitzer winning book about the microscopic entities living in the global sewer system

I bet that would be totally out there, that nobody would grill me about what my resolution list is.