Resolution List

If I had the power to do so, I'd make everybody celebrate the next New Year on December 17, so we can reclaim the backlog of fifteen days when the Gregorian Calendar was born...

Anyway, I haven't been posting for two reasons: I've been cooped up in my home for twoo weeks straight, and I'm all pasty white and my legs are atrophied for not walking enough. Secondly, dial-up internet is terribly slow diring "The Holidays".

I'm actually more tired now than when I started vacation... All the babysitting, the cooking, and the constant interruptions of carollers mooching our hard-earned loose change. For all the times I shot down the holiday spirit last year, I'm wondering why Morley didn't come in my sleep?

I just finished my Dissolution list, and I promise myself to follow it, short as it may be.

• Get fat and add on 50 more pounds
  
• Add 2 hours more TV a day bringing it to 6 hours
  
• Get 5 on every subject this semester
  
• Put peppers on every item on my menu to encourage hemorrhoids
  
• Insult every person I'm introduced to
  
• Poison the watersupply with my outputs
  
• Sell crack to kids younger than 6 as lollipops
  
• Place the toilet seat up after using a co-ed bathroom
  

That is my Dissolution list. I figured I break every resolution list I ever made, so why not do the opposite? I'm done for today, so enjoy the new year and I hope you can still count to twenty when you take off your shoes...