UnCommon Sense

How we learn common sense: common sense is an innate ability of all animals with ganglia. But we need to theorize a bit here, if humans have a unique ability to learn and make sense of what we learn.

So how do we learn common sense? And if it is so goshdarned common, why do some people don't have it? If we were born and raised by mouthbreating imbeciles, do we lack cmmon sense?

I ask this question in light of a startling finding I made while observing people. If you read modern manuals on electronics, you may find something that looks like this...

"CAUTION: Avoid place hands inside electric toaster while operationing"
"WARNING: Poking VCR slot while running will result in warranty void and/or death"
"Madeing in Taiwan"

Moron genes usually manifest themselves when the town idiots start reading manuals on toasters and VCR's made in Taiwan.

"Hey? I won't lose warranty /or die when I poke the VCR with a screwdriver while walking right? Let's try it Dirk!"

Stimulus response? Probably, if you teach your child not to stick his wet thumb in an electric plug by God forbid, letting him stick his thumb in and making him feel the excrutiating pain.

Mental modelling? Electricity bad! But wait, TV is good and it runs on electricity, It can't be that bad, right?

Okay, teaching. But who taught the first person born under the electricity age that electricity is bad?

"Oh, yeah? Who taught you... MOM!"

By the Dilbert Principle of human knowledge: All people with a few exceptions have collective IQ's lower than the number of my teeth. So my theory of learning common sense is this. Common sense is taught to us uncommon people. Why do you think we believe the Surgeon General's warning about smoking?

The few geniuses of the old world created missionaries that went to the various villages then taught
the native people not to spray RAID directly at their faces.

Then the natives cooked them on an open fire fed by burning books and
used RAID canisters.

Where Am I, Timmy?

I now clocked 16 split hours in front of a computer doing random crap that people sent me as favors. My eyes have another set of bags, that if i got into airport security, it would be one more than maximum carryon capacity... CORNY!

Anyway, the reason d' etre behind the current post acronym is that for a good 33% of the time I'm staring at the computer... is basically staring in front of the computer. Rendering full scale images takes forever, so I made a new sport. Counting pixels. I counted the pixels on my monitor, and at it's resolution it was around 1220000 pixels... barring the pixels that are black. I could have multiplied the horizontal by the vertical number of pixels, but what fun is that?

Anyway, there are about three more hours to waste, so I'll just return to my next timewaster after I counted pixels, I'll go watch the paint dry... If you look closely, you can see the water molecules sublimate/evaporate from the base coat...

Lying Often Vents Emnity

February 14. It's a good thing I remembered to buy a big bottle of extra strength Listerine (now in new Listerine Cool Mint Pocketpacks)

It's not for the mouthwash in case some ladies come over after I ate a good plate of fried fish with onions, no... although, it could happen. It's for that infernal taste in my mouth I get after barfing a lot. Celine Dion played for a hundreth time on the intercom and everybody else's MP3 collection gives me heartburn... And don't get me started on Mariah. And God sakes, Pussycat Dolls' "Stick Wit U" for playing on the radio 100 more times that usual.

At least we got over Michael Learns to Rock, Backstreet Boys, and the Jackson Five a long time ago, or I would have bought Listerine fortified with Windex. Seriously, we have got to tone down the lovefest this year. For my sake, I feel like an old prude inside when I see couples in PDA every 10 yards or so of walking. Trying to say "Sheesh, get a room" gets old after the first 50 times, you know.


The only Valentines event I like to indulge myself with is watching remakes on TV about the St. Valentines Day massacre.

"All right ya luvboids... EAT HOT LEAD!! HA HA HA!! Sey hello ta my li'l friend!"

I wonder how the Mafia gave Valentine's gifts...

"Martha, I can't give ya much today, so here's a horse's head to put under the sheets next time your hubby comes home late."

That and of course sleeping... provided that there are considerate people that don't play Barry White all night and they have the foresight to pad their walls so the neighbors won't wake up to the sounds of creaking beds banging on walls.

He may have undershot that one, Bob

I remember posting this about a full year ago.
"...I give him[Willy Revilliame] four weeks..." Oh, here it is! Mentokk the Mindtaker.

I may have overshot this a wee bit... about twelve-fold-ish. I knew the show would get cancelled, but it took a stampede to do it? I mean I seriously would have liked a crass joke about a woman's private parts, or a giant green meteorite harboring hostile aliens that watched the show decimating the ABS-CBN studio and smoking pot out of the survivor's skulls... but a human stampede?

Look, I believe that any publicity is good publicity... but even this is low. I sympathize with the families of those that got their cerebral gray matter splattered all over the ULTRA staduim, but it's time to move on. You really don't want any ABS-CBN employees doing the "I'm Sorry *lip quiver*" stunt that Gloria Arroyo did.

The Grudge (Due-On 02/21/06)

I fear many things... one of them are Hospital Wards. Another is the requisite farm in a carnival/theme park. And small dogs.

But I post here a fear called (wait, there's no word for this)... being-recognized-by-people-from-high-school-o-phobia. Especially now that I'm still in college and the only icebreaking I know is the joke about the Priest, the Rabbi, and the Minister.

And the fact that I'm known as the "Guy with the Golf Umbrella and Jacket during the dead of summer". Superficial yes but it has incapacitated my ability to navigate tight corners during lunchtime. ??? I meet someone who I have an extreme grudge on and the pre-encounter goes something like this.

The jerkwad is coming up the street...

I get ready my ultimate sarcasm/non-racial/unchildlike insult I've been saving since the lasttime we sparred which involves the word "loogie", and make a 180 into an alley so I can sneak up from behind... Which I'll practice and execute with perfection once he has a wicked combover in his 50's...

I wait to make my move and walk around to practice my insult... and the next thing you know I'm in a suburban town miles from the center city... Insults of that caliber takes hours to practice, which I found out when I timed myself while nursing my bunions I got from the long walk home.

I have excellent one-liners... which I won't brag about but I knock the socks off innocent civilians when I let one rip... one-liners I mean.

But good insults that scar someone emotionally takes ages to come up with and about 5 hours to recall once you get to encounter the recipient of the insult.

This incident happened and I almost run over by a truck while walking out from the suburbs.

I've just had an epiphany... It's not being-recognized-by-people-from-high-school-o-phobia, it's run-over-by-a-semi-phobia... fear of semitrailers and lorries or any vehicle with more than four wheels excluding the spare tire.

Me: DOC FREUD! I"M CURED!
Doc: My name's not Sigmund, sir. And here's your bill.

Paper Definition

They should develop and sell a new brand of one-day use, disposable, paper-based high-definition televisions exclusively for rental purposes.

I list this initially inane fact, since a lot of people watch the Superbowl, and fall into three categories:

1. Those who are poor and have knowledge of sports events
   
2. Those who are not poor, have sports knowledge, and want to watch in Hi-Def
3. The entire state of Wisconsin

I appeal to the ones in number two, since, let's face it, Green Bay ain't in Superbowl XL. Hi-Def Televisions are obscenely expensive and obscenely heavy, and takes as much space as (insert Fat Actress joke here).

These three reasons usually repel the sane minded into buying a TV more than 50 inches diagonally. But the dude in the inner brain of men says, one thing. I WANT TO WATCH FOOTBALL AND I WANT TO SEE THE SWEAT BEADING OFF THE CHINSTRAPS OF THE PLAYERS... usually it says this in capital letters, and sans commas.

To help save the Asian economy during pre-footbowl season, I propose that both olde standard companies (Sony, Hitachi, LG, Aiwa, etc) and upstart companies (Soknee, Hitatsi, El Gee, Aiwah!, etc) produce paper Hi-Def TV for public consumption.

First off, you pay only for the substandard tube in the PaperTV. Seriously, most (okay, all) consumers know next to nothing, and most of the time less than nothing about TV quality and definition... c'mon, The Bachelor is now at season six. So cheapen it to rental price level.

And if you rent the PaperTV, you can return it after Superbowl with clear conscience that you spent as much as a cardboard box, and satisfied your Capital letter talking dudebrain.

And just in case you lost 40 units of cash betting on the losing team... you can wipe your tears, or wipe some other orifice in shame.

And as a side note... you can watch the Ultra Stampede in super slow motion... again and again and again!

Yes! Let's see that again on replay!
Let's watch that headcrush in camera two.......

MY GOD THE TV'S ON FIRE!!!!

there's Somthing Hiding In There!

I couldn't curse here, so...
There's
Something
Hiding
In
There!

Files
Unavailable
Contact
Kilroy

Pointdexter-
One
Reading
Narnia

Daily
Intake of
Calcium and
K-Vitamins

Politicians
Instigate
Social
Spying

Yup, there's somthing definitely hiding in there...