Jobwach

Jobwach? Sawnds lyk a town in Jermani... Welkom to Jobwach, just 30 myls sawth of Nurembergenstein, Jermani.

Aniway, The suden sylens of Paralel Insyt was dyu to dis. I'm hunting for jobs onlyn, oflyn, telefon lyn, even riping of thos anoying job aplicashuns wid de tear-of informashun sheets... U now, thos posters that need mekaniks, dryvers, sekretarys, and trayners for imedyat hyring for US, Sawdi and some obskyur plays in Kanada, in de French-Kanadyan Kwarter.

I tryd JobStrit, and as far as my akseptans rekord, 2 kompanees tuk my resyume as "under hevy konsiderashun" or "kept for fyutur referens"...

I wud lyk to translayt dis into de folowing.

Under hevy konsiderashun = yor resyume is under a hevy elefant wayting to be lookt at after de yir end spring kleenup

Kept for fyutur referens = maybi after de fyring of de kurrent bos... or after the spot is fild, den we konsider.

Not dat I'm pesimistik, I just reed de Dilbert Prinsipls too much.

Seks Edyukayshun and Employment

Ever wonder if seks edyukayshun was ever a rekwyrd kors, it wud be an aset wen tyme koms to send yor resyume?

Tink abawt it, an employer with strong disagriments abawt sekswal harasment wud definitly choos a person who did not get an A+ in seks-ed. Dat wud meen he/she was a natural born pervert(in general). A fayling grayd wud meen he/she is a represive seks-starvd ingrayt. So a person wid substandard grayds in seks-ed wud have a moderayt sykolojikal slayt. He/she wud have enuf sens not to haras de oder seks and not be ignorant enuf to start eksperimenting in the suplay kloset.

nothing mindblowing abawt dis post, just a thot.

Slakluster (In fri Inglish)

I turnd 22 lst Saturdai.

I nevr saw birtdai numba 22 until it hit mi rite in da faes. Las saturdai, I had an epifani. Kolej was not wurking for mi. Da yirs spent to achiv ekselens and gradwait wid hiy prestij having Universiti of da Filipins in my diploma ar ol wasted awai. I mai hav da opshun to kwit kolej oltogether.

Da big trend nou is to be ekselent at evryting. Ekselens in mat, inglish, sosyal sayens, sayens, histori. Even kids are tot to be da bes at evryting dey do. Parents can be so kruel somtyms. We fayl most of da tym, and we are diskurajd to fayl, implaying dat faylyur is not an opshun wen da tym coms wen u gro up, not nowing dat faylyur is also de graytest titsur for layf.

So I started fri speeking. It is a eksepshonaly gud way to sho faylur and ignorans as wel a veri enjoyabl . Fri speeking or in dis kays fri riting is my eskayp from tyms long pas. Fri riting is eesyur dan beeing konstraynd by ruls of wans naytiv tung. Mos peepul may konsider dis tsayldlyk but tink abawt it, the Filipinos kriated txtspich, and gayspeek, and God forbid conyotika. Awr kultur defaysd Inglish and Filipino so I defays it tu, oldo it may luk wird to reed, dis is veri understandabl wen spoken awt lawd.

Iv been doowing tis for sam tym now, but I konfes, der ar som disadvantajes. First of ol, it feels wird to tayp in deliberaytly mispeld words. And it is a hasl to tayp in fri speek speshyaly in a QWERTY kybord.

Aldo it is fun to send memos and leturs in fri speek and get replys saying
"Ur som kind of wirdo or wako ar u?"
or my favorit...
"RETARD"

Da kul ting is, nomater wat form of riting u praktis in, kurs words are stil desaym. Just meener and more funy dan insulting. Fok U man!

I did not insult u, I tink its a Chaynees Restorant.

UnCommon Sense

How we learn common sense: common sense is an innate ability of all animals with ganglia. But we need to theorize a bit here, if humans have a unique ability to learn and make sense of what we learn.

So how do we learn common sense? And if it is so goshdarned common, why do some people don't have it? If we were born and raised by mouthbreating imbeciles, do we lack cmmon sense?

I ask this question in light of a startling finding I made while observing people. If you read modern manuals on electronics, you may find something that looks like this...

"CAUTION: Avoid place hands inside electric toaster while operationing"
"WARNING: Poking VCR slot while running will result in warranty void and/or death"
"Madeing in Taiwan"

Moron genes usually manifest themselves when the town idiots start reading manuals on toasters and VCR's made in Taiwan.

"Hey? I won't lose warranty /or die when I poke the VCR with a screwdriver while walking right? Let's try it Dirk!"

Stimulus response? Probably, if you teach your child not to stick his wet thumb in an electric plug by God forbid, letting him stick his thumb in and making him feel the excrutiating pain.

Mental modelling? Electricity bad! But wait, TV is good and it runs on electricity, It can't be that bad, right?

Okay, teaching. But who taught the first person born under the electricity age that electricity is bad?

"Oh, yeah? Who taught you... MOM!"

By the Dilbert Principle of human knowledge: All people with a few exceptions have collective IQ's lower than the number of my teeth. So my theory of learning common sense is this. Common sense is taught to us uncommon people. Why do you think we believe the Surgeon General's warning about smoking?

The few geniuses of the old world created missionaries that went to the various villages then taught
the native people not to spray RAID directly at their faces.

Then the natives cooked them on an open fire fed by burning books and
used RAID canisters.

Where Am I, Timmy?

I now clocked 16 split hours in front of a computer doing random crap that people sent me as favors. My eyes have another set of bags, that if i got into airport security, it would be one more than maximum carryon capacity... CORNY!

Anyway, the reason d' etre behind the current post acronym is that for a good 33% of the time I'm staring at the computer... is basically staring in front of the computer. Rendering full scale images takes forever, so I made a new sport. Counting pixels. I counted the pixels on my monitor, and at it's resolution it was around 1220000 pixels... barring the pixels that are black. I could have multiplied the horizontal by the vertical number of pixels, but what fun is that?

Anyway, there are about three more hours to waste, so I'll just return to my next timewaster after I counted pixels, I'll go watch the paint dry... If you look closely, you can see the water molecules sublimate/evaporate from the base coat...