Say hello to Grampa for me...

She's gone... After 93 years of denying The Grim Reaper a free soul, he got it.
My grandmother is breathing easily now... at least she's breathing ethereal air better.

She passed on on a rainy Wednesday (see, I knew there was something wrong with a rainy midweek. Usually a wet Wednesday happens only for dramatic effect)

The passing was surreal. Usually a death in a family evokes copious amounts of relatively salty tears, but her removal from the mortal plane was an enormous weight off our shoulders... until we carry the casket to her final plot of earth.

If I seem coy about death, it is my release of otherwise destructive emotional outbursts.

Oh, dem golden slippers!
Golden slippers I'se gwine to wear,
To walk de golden street

Hardly Har Har

Hrmph...

He he he...

Pfft... Khrk... Hee hee heee.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Ah---hahahahaha!

Ah-hahahaha--hah--oh, my god....Pfttt....chortle... hahahahaha!

Wah-hahahaha!

Oh, oh, oh, hee...heee heee heee ha ha ha ... I can't breathe, I ca, ha ha han't brea hehehe heath!

Why bother sending me $15 Million?

I knew there was a reason to turn off spamguard. I missed this annoying yet cosmically funny mail about a couple of weeks ago jammed in my spam box.

Click to read the absurdity

I've got plenty of reasons to inherit $9.5 million but I narrowed it down to three


First the $9.5 million would enable me to call a Mr Peter Chang and tell him "You got Screwed, biatch!" for the rest of my life. Second, it would be enough to start a company dedicated to call the worldwide network of Peter Chang's that send these mail. And thirdly, I could pay for a plastic surgey that alters my face, and voice so the worldwide network of Peter Chang's couldn't cut off my balls and serve them as the Chef's special soup number five.

Low Resolution

Last year I posted my Dissolution list. For any of you too lazy to click on the link, here it is.

• Get fat and add on 50 more pounds
• Add 2 hours more TV a day bringing it to 6 hours
• Get 5 on every subject this semester
• Put peppers on every item on my menu to encourage hemorrhoids
• Insult every person I'm introduced to
• Poison the watersupply with my outputs
• Sell crack to kids younger than 6 as lollipops
• Place the toilet seat up after using a co-ed bathroom

The yearlong update its...

• I put on 20 pounds
• I now watch 4 hours but am online for 6
• I got 5 on ONE subject
• I'm bleeding internally
• I'm insulting everybody now
• Currently poisoning the air (since I'm bleeding internally)
• I sell corndogs to kids younger than 6
• Place the toilet seat up after usng any bathroom

Final verdict, the Dissolution list is a pile of whatsit to be bagged and thrown in a nearby garbage bin. My ultimate list of things not to follow has a 60% rate of succeding. So I'll take the extreme road.

The 2006 resolution list is as follows

• Cause the first shot of World War 3
• Melt the polar ice caps with an alien experiment induced heat vision
• Get abducted by aforementioned aliens
• Solve world hunger and charge $100 a pop to those who bother to listen to me
• Create a portable worm hole to spy on every college sorority house
• Run and win second in any presidential race
• Write a Pulitzer winning book about the microscopic entities living in the global sewer system

I bet that would be totally out there, that nobody would grill me about what my resolution list is.